last night

I am feeling so indescribable.. man, did I spill my guts to myself. I wrote it on paper myself, only some of which is here. I feel odd.it's hard to put into words.

I was watching highway to heaven tonight, to get the positive juices flowing again. If there was anything left. Even still, something Michael Landon said as Jonathan struck me. Actually, it wasn’t Jonathan it was his costar on the episode. “we have forever”. In the episode, Jonathan is angry because God won’t allow him to go up to heaven and be with his wife. He finds comfort with a woman, during this time of abandonment (not really) Jennifer. Jennifer is really his wife in disguise. But that’s besides the point.

.She said,” the way you acted when I asked you to talk to him, you two were pretty close weren’t you?

”Jonathan: “I thought we were!”

Jennifer: “the argument between the two of you, is there a possibly you were wrong?”

Jonathan: “no, no. What he did was wrong!”

Jennifer:” You’re sure?”

Jonathan: “Absolutely

”Jennifer: “Someone wrote, I think it was Ambrose Pierce that the definition of positive is wrong at the top of your voice”

Am I wrong? Am I angry?

I don’t really know. I couldn’t tell you

another point that Jennifer makes in the episode is this..”... Don’t you believe in God?”Jonathan: “I know there’s a God.”Jennifer: “You talk to him??”Jonathan: “I used too..”Jennifer: “But not anymore?”Jonathan: “No”it goes on and on, but here is the important part..” because I think I know you; and me and a lot of other people when we feel sorry for ourselves or can’t understand why things happen. We blame him. It’s only when we open ourselves up to him that we can feel whole again. All the pain and the anger go away”Mood: