no one to blame

It's hard to believe, but I have no one to blame for the simple fact that I have no life.

It's late and I am probably more tired then anything else. But I am right. Sure, I am a college student just lounging around for the remainder of the month; before it's back to the grind of hard work. I had all of these plans for which I was going to do, but nothing panned. All my friends are out in the real world, while, I am stuck.

Forgive me if I get a little Meg Ryan: "So much of what I see reminds me of something in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around"

Speaking too soon

Getting your eggs in one basket before the chickens lay them can be so frustrating

It seems like I have been doing that a lot lately. The apartment situation is still up in the air. I guess I was hoping this would propel me into finally doing something and not being held back-by my situation. I thought everything was going to work out for once. But I guess I should be grateful my best friend is not moving to Chicago. Finding peace in the little things.

The funny thing is , I was just telling dad yesterday: " When God closes a door, he opens a window." I thought this was my window, my diving board. A starting point for everything possible in my life.

Help me find peace with whenever happens

wow, how things can change

Since my last post, a lot has changed for me. How is that possible in a few hours? Well, my best friend is not moving away and we are moving in together. We don't have the details yet. But, it's actually happening.

I still have my problems and struggles. But I am hoping this helps

sincerity

Lying awake in bed early this morning, I begin to question the meaning of sincerity. Is this a emotionally charged feeling connected to a cause? Or just a long term commitment to the cause even though you're questioning it or belief, but the logic and everything stands behind it anyway. So you stand tall. The truth is I don't really know and that makes me wonder. On the one, I am not to judge myself or others. On the other hand, I can do nothing but that. It's human condition and nature.

I was reading a friend of friend's blog today. She was talking about her struggles with children and life. As humans, we tend to think that everything difficult that happens to us is our fault and can be changed with prayer. While true, it doesn't always change to our exact specifications or liking. This means that we can't change the past or expect life to you perfect. Because it isn't. What she did say though, is that you always have a opportunity to pray for Joy.

I never thought of it like that.

Restore my joy, Lord

what's this world coming to?

Hey,
Ok, so I realize I haven't posted in this Journal for what seems like months. I have done most of my writing in my other journals. I had actually almost forgotten I had this one. I only occasionally check this one because a friend has a Journal and she occasionally updates. So I figured it was time for a change. Although, I doubt this friend will even check this one because I barely update here anymore.

Anyway, what's this world coming to these days? Freaky movies, changing lifestyles, and the media. Now I understand the media has the job of telling both sides of a story. That's a very rough job. But it would help to see something positive in the news once in awhile. The world seems so focused on the "self" that it's forgotten the fundamentals. My friends know what I am talking about. That's not to say I am perfect. I am Not. Hey, I even find myself changing to satisfy the "world" view. It's time to get back to basics for me.

I don't know what brought m the realization tonight. But I hope it stays.

Faith,

Hope,

and

Love

But the greatest of these is Love

I have been through a lot..

But God help me...

Change

You're the only one who can!